Cop rules for dating my daughter
Old folks homes are better. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Dressing as if no one in their life was speaking any wisdom into their lives.
You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Decide on your dress code rules long before you need them.
However, many of you have older daughters and you are in the middle of this tumultuous time of life. Places where there is darkness.
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, do not sigh and fidget. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your going out and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. Decide on your dating rules long before you need them. Make them known long before you need them. You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck.
My goal was not to have her happy with me. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. We simply wanted modest clothing choices to already be established as she grew into the age when it would be necessary. It's the ones you love that will kill you the quickest. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight.
Regarding dating, the boy needed to come over to meet me days before the date. If you pull into my driveway and honk, you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure as hell not picking anything up. My goal was her protection. But, if it happened, that was just a bonus. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
Actually my goal was not to intimidate him. As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
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